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Drop the Happy, it’s just New Year!

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I can’t work out if it’s a popular opinion or not but it’s my reality so I’ll be blogging about how awful the days and weeks are post Boxing Day! I bloody hate it! It happens each and every year (and it’s getting worse!) and yet somehow it always takes me by surprise…Buckle up, this is a miserable one!

I adore the run up to Christmas – December 1st is a magnificent day and I just love thinking of gifts for those special to me and the whole festive build up is glorious. My favourite is Christmas Eve – it’s just so magical with anticipation! We have a special meal with the kids wherever possible and it somehow means more to me than the day itself.

Christmas Day is lovely too, although it seems to be over before it’s begun and we spend a lot of time sitting around. Never thought I’d miss a cold, grey, wet December dog walk but on Christmas Day I think I do!

Boxing Day is okay but it’s where it all starts to go downhill! Piles of new stuff waiting to find a home. Stacks of pretty paper and ribbon that’s too good to throw away just yet, just in case I think of a use for it (I won’t) and the hope of eating anything that isn’t leftovers is out the window. This I can cope with – for a day.

Maybe I’m wired differently and start to crave order and normality immediately. But what is normal when you have a job like mine? No office hours, doing markets and events where others have organised the time and day. No ‘in tray’ in the traditional sense of the word. What am I supposed to be doing?

Even my beloved yoga class didn’t escape the disruption and my mojo disappeared as quick as my knowledge of the day of the week so a home practice on the mat wasn’t looking likely either. 

And don’t get me started on New Years Eve – I’m afraid I simply don’t get it. The birds outside haven’t a clue about it and they are happy enough. Why do we make such a fuss? Day 364 of last year was no different to day 365 and will be no different to the day after that. Ah I don’t know, maybe I just need to relax – it’s only a few days isn’t it? Out of the whole year – why not just give into it and slob out on the sofa, eating all the cheese and chocolate I can reach (heaven forbid I move!)

Guilt. I think it’s guilt. It certainly feels like guilt but about what I haven’t figured out yet. If I was in a house completely alone, I think I’d manage it. But having family around me (which I wouldn’t change for the absolute world, please don’t misunderstand) somehow makes me feel I should be in nurture mode. What if they want something I don’t have? If they wanted cake do I have enough ingredients to make one? What if there’s nothing on the telly they want to watch, or any games they want to play – have I got anything to entertain them with?

At no point have my gorgeous family ever asked this of me. Ever. And nor would they I’m sure. I simply cannot switch off. I have no ‘off’ button. I don’t know what it feels like to switch off and just ‘be’. (see previous blog about not liking holidays!) And I do try – tattoos on my skin do their best to remind me to just ‘bee’ but it’s like asking someone to do a back flip with zero fitness or training. Where do I actually start with that?

I clearly need structure and boundaries in my day – something very lacking in those ‘no man’s land’ days between Christmas and New Year. And early January too if I was honest. When is back to normal supposed to begin? It used to be when schools go back in the days I worked in education, and when the boys were younger – but it’s been almost 2 years now since I worked in a school. I used to love going back to work (after I got over the nerves thinking I’d forgotten everything I ever knew of course) because I had a purpose again, but now it feels a little different to say the least!

I think today, January 8th, is when lots of people are back to work and school again, back to ‘normal’. But after the frenzy that was November and December when everything was so, so full on (too much, I won’t do that again) and the lack of relaxation over Christmas and New Year, I simply don’t feel rested at all. Quite the opposite if I was honest.

Next year (which is actually this year, oh gawd….) I have every intention of planning lots of lovely things to get me (or maybe us, sorry Mr T) out of the house and to fill that time with enough activities to stop the doldrums attacking again. But I say that every year…

For now, I’m going to bake a cake, just in case anyone wants any.

See you soon friends, thanks for reading if you got this far!

Sam xx

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Sam Thornton

Sam Thornton

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